I hate ambition. Its aspirations ambush me in the early morning, dog me through the day and torture my sleep. There is no method to my ambition, no step by step plan, no advice to offer, no success to share. Possibly the least inspiring blog post ever. Why read on?
This time last year I pledged allegiance to a group called ‘Un-consume in 2018’. It went well whilst on holiday in December and early January. Then routine, (work, school, family …) struck. Propelled into its relentless appetite for my creativity, I floundered in the early stages of the school year. Did I develop new, sustainable no or low-spend, habits? Nah …
I was particularly focusing on food: reducing packaged, processed foods and aiming for as little waste as possible. The trouble is, I’m not even particularly interested in food. I don’t actually enjoy making it, which is something of a problem with chosen focus! The other problem is TIME!!! I don’t enjoy planning meals and menus, so when life gets busy I invariably end up buying on the hoof. This actually takes longer and is expensive.
Perhaps I can be useful as a warning to others? After all, there are enough inspirational life-change blogs out there anyway, as well as vast quantities of superciliously complacent, smugly self-congratulatory ‘how-to’ advice should you want it. It’ll be posted anyway. The problem with ambition is you set yourself up.
I’m wondering whether, in fact, goal-oriented behaviour only works for certain types of people in certain situations? Or perhaps it can work for everyone, but it needs to be the right time. One issue for me is the ambition has no focus, other than being ‘to be or feel sussessful’ …which I never do. If I could fix on one, specific goal and keep it, then perhaps I’d find the necessary drive. Whilst I’m waiting for one to transpire, I conclude that sometimes we need to find peace with where we’re at. The final line from Derek Mahon’s poem, ‘Leaves’ comforts me:
The lives we might have led/Have found their own fulfilment